There is nothing more ominous in couple’s relationships than the dreaded under-the-covers fart.

No one wants a blissful night interrupted by an olfactory insult,carved blanket be it accidental polar fleece blankets and natural or deviously purposeful. A colleague refers to these incidents as the Dutch Oven: a shameful act where the farter (usually the husband) suddenly throws the blankets over the face of the innocent bedmate in order to maximize the malodorous impact and vocal response. Does this blanket work and will you really have a better marriage? I have no idea, but I would love to see the test data. Did they have willing couple subjects ingest ample amounts of baked beans, lentil soup, hard-boiled eggs, cabbage and pasta in preparation for the inevitable? Did the company have gas sensors on the outside of the cover to see if anything escapes? How long is it guaranteed? I use activated carbon in my aquarium filters and the water filter on my refrigerator, and I know these wear out over time. Is the blanket “air-tight”? I wonder if the same materials can be used to manufacture a line of men’s underwear? Don’t get me wrong – women have gas, too. It is just that they do not turn it in to an art form. My wife had a colonoscopy yesterday, so it was my job to take her to the surgery center and subsequently pick her up. After a 24-hour stint of colon-cleansing using a gallon of stuff she had to drink, For the last ten years or so, I have limited my practice to pediatrics. Babies are very good farters; probably as skilled as teenagers. It is not unusual to walk into an examining room, only to run directly into an invisible cloud of farts. Adults and teenagers hope that the fart will dissipate before you come in, but babies do not care. Babies fart with vigor and unbridled enthusiasm, often laughing during the act. Parents use baby farts to help mask their own farts. I must admit that my wife carried off our baby many times with the mistaken belief that they had a poopy diaper. In my clinic, I could definitely find use for a mask made out of this fart blanket material. You would think that after 35 years of practice that my nose would become accustomed to foul odors, but I still react. I have done my part, now I would appreciate your comments.